Experimental I - Backyard

Experimental 1.0...

a colored page finally...

June22 - After a year of struggle, 6 months of days that gets darker by the hour; watching my world fall apart and taking comfort in nothingness as daily episodes of life passes me by; i was thrown a life line. This small glimmer of hope radiates light - cutting through that darkness which i've learned to accept. I was attracted, drawn to that light. This could be it! I want nothing, but to get out of this darkness...

What tweet may be, it was to be today! Dinner perhaps? I couldn't find a better disguise. And so it is, she obliged. She chatters away at dinner, while my mind races between topics, to keep the conversation forever. I was not myself, but that was least of my worries. What mattered was that she was there.

What seem to me to be only minutes passing me by, it was but already 1 night. A beginning to one chapter, and a close to the other. I want this chapter to last, with colored pages on every page i open to - where i look forward everyday to the next page...

All geared to go...

My very last day before i head for Jakarta for the next 4months or so... Reluctant? You bet...

Fancy a knockout?

Yeaa, got my very own TWINS Training Gloves! Dun play play, i can fight one oso okay. Anyone for a good beating? haha...


Red color so that blood stains not so obvious lah. haha...


ps: Contents here a bit exaggerated one lah.hehe... ;)

A day down memory lane...

On Mother's Day that is!Decided, for a change, to make our way down to Klang(yea, tats where i was from) and celebrate Mother's day with 'Ah Ma'. It really did felt like a walk down memory lane, reliving those good 'ol days.


Waiting for bah kut teh. What better way of waiting than to chat away.(bah kut teh recipe anyone?)


Good 'ol cendol. Green slimy jewel oozing out on a bad cold day look-alike, but boy doesn't it taste good?! ;)


Ain't no Harley, but then again who can resist a go at the 'kap cai'.


My first love... :)


disclaimer: Klang really ain't that Ulu lah okay.

Mengejar hadir-Mu dalam hidupku...

Yeah, my first post for this year! To find time to actually post this, itself is a miracle. Time sure crawls by real fast, been 4mths+ since my last post.

This year has been a superb one for me, well although it did not really got off with a bang(did some really crazy stuff during NewYear's eve…argh) but things are beginning to change for me. A resolution i made to turn back to HIM after years of Godless living, which never fails to end in frustration and sense of aimless-ness. Talking about living in the dark ages; that i chose, shunning that glimmer of light which flickers so ever faintly but surely. With frustration mounting, and my search for worldly solace failing; my world was about to fall apart and so it did, crumble before my very eyes. I wanted to scream out, ‘Where art thou when I need you most?’, but knew the fault was mine. Hence, my resolution to reach for that light…

Not once have I regretted this decision. It felt like homecoming, being embraced and forgiven of my past doings. Never have I felt Him so prevalent in my life. I will never again trade this relationship for anything this world may offer. Tis my prayer; His ways and not mine, His will and not mine.

Just to share some awesome OA pictures. My very first mission trip, and surely not my last.


A painted house? Well, that is where we stayed at Hulu Ruai.


River water inspection. Quite brown la the water, How to bath lah?!haha... (actually water is quite clean)


Faces that will steal your heart ;)


In search of a bathing spot. Here still too shallow lah.


Merman? hrmmm... ;)


Hulu Ruai, the people... forget i will not.

It came upon a midnight clear...

A month have crawled by without me noticing since i last updated this blog. And it was as though it was just yesterday that i wrote of her. Ahhh...speaking of 'her', She that i thought of unceasingly both day and night, being intoxicated, disillusioned, unadmitting the reality that lies vividly before my eye, is now no more than fragments of that potrait I once envisioned.

Reality sure does have a funny way of showing herself. Till disillusion creeps in again, speak shall i not of her again. :)

Have been carolling for the past 3 days, hectic as it is, the fun was one that i will not forgo. So goes the saying, Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart? How will Christmas happen in your heart if you do not want it? Boring some would say, but these are the perks in life that i so look forward to.

Let this season be one that brings joy of eternal value.

Blessed Christmas & Happy New Year.

Lead me not into temptation...

An interesting read...

"...Continuing in my series of articles on infidelity and the married or dating person, we shall attempt today to understand the issue of temptation and trust in our romantic relationships.

Most, if not all, of us have discussed (or perhaps the more truthful word is argued) about this with our mates: When one of us turns our eyes to look at an attractive person of the preferred sex, our mate will either give us the evil eye, or stop talking to us, or ask us 101 questions such as "Is (s)he THAT attractive that you can't tear your eyes off him/her?", "Am I as pretty/good-looking?" or "Do you prefer that kind of look?", and so on and so forth.

Even those of us with partners who seem not to mind, actually do (speaking of yours truly). I know exactly what kind of look my husband is in to. As such, if attractive women who don't fit that category walk by, I have no qualms about his openly admiring them. However, if they happen to be the 'right' kind of women, I become more - shall I say - inquisitive!

More often than not, issues about admiration and close proximity with members of the preferred sex one is not attached or married to, always end up as an issue of trust (or lack of it). In the end, we seem to believe that if we trust someone enough, we should not be worried at all. As such, even if (s)he happens to be working or socialising in a company of wolves or models (insert whichever applies), (s)he is not in danger of being tempted away - simply because you give him or her the trust.

What about cause for this trust? What about human weakness? What about the passage of time and the uniqueness of the human condition in that we enjoy a little change or challenge, once in a while?

As such, we must then contemplate issues such as, is harmless flirting really harmless? What is wrong with sending a colleague of the opposite sex home in the middle of the night when you are married? What is wrong with getting pissed drunk with a client every weekend because nothing 'bad' ever really happens, even as your wife or husband is alone with the kids at home? In the end, we must trust each other NEVER to falter because without trust, how can our relationships survive?

Wait a minute. I thought only the paranoid survive?

A friend told me that one Sunday, a pastor in her church talked about infidelity and temptation. In a nutshell, the pastor preached about limiting situations where one can be tempted over a long period of time. For example, he advised married executives not to offer colleagues of the opposite sex lifts home despite their good intentions, or to work long hours at close proximity for too long a period. It seemed that even a man of God believed that trust in the divine to help a human being not stray into sin was not sufficient. After all, God helps those who help themselves.

So the next time we ask our mates, "Don't you trust me?", it is prudent to ponder if we give them cause to trust us when we are spend a significant amount of time at work, supposedly entertaining our clients or giving face to our bosses. Is going out three nights a week with your customers to the pub really necessary to make that promotion? Is it reasonable to spend an hour on the phone with your friend because she has no one to talk to but you, everyday?

Is it really possible to want to chat about things you don't even tell your wife, with a total stranger you met online, or is it just a lie - even to yourself? If not, why keep it away from her?

Sometimes, seemingly innocent things can get out of hand when it is done over a long period of time, something my mother used to tell me when I entertained the phone calls of a gentleman friend back in my dating days, even though I had no intention of ever spending any serious time with him. We best understand this when we ourselves are subjected to the act of being led on and around.

"There is no such thing as an innocent drink," said one of the Friends in the sitcom, referring to a date that was supposed to be platonic. Sadly, this is truer in real life than many would care to admit, particularly when we live in a world where financial stability seems to be more important than moral integrity and honesty.

After all, how many of us would quit our jobs just to spend more time with our families?"

-Jennifer Tai-

Not again?!...

AArrgghhhh...not again?!! I could really beat myself for letting it slip the 2nd time. It happenned yesterday, and on the usual hour. Hearing the elevator dings "Going down", I rushed down the aisle that leads to it, not wanting to wait for the next. (yeah...my lift can talk and hell annoying at times!). I knew i may not make it, then a face which was all too familiar to me peered from the side of the elevator. There she was! I could not comprehend my good fortune, what luck i thought?! "Are you coming", said she. I hasten speed, and got onto the lift.

Words were exchange, but my gaze was fixed on her. "Yoga?," I asked. A question that made her chuckled, surprised that i could remember. Ahh...Tuesday & Saturday. My thoughts turned to the weather as soon as we alight from the elevator. Rain please, rain!, were my very thoughts. Offering her a lift, kept playing on my mind. But to my dismay, not a drop! Only a dark gloomy sky. She waved goodbye and was soon on her way, the very opposite direction that i would take home.

Rain then begun to fell, little as it may be, I turned around wanting nothing but to plea my luck once more. Alas, she was no longer there. Another chance, not but wasted.

A chance slipped...

It was a Tuesday night, a night which i could beat myself for letting a chance slipped by me. It was the usual heavy downpour. I hesitantly made my way down from my place of work dreading the jam that lies installed for me. The door slides open as the lift dings at 'G'. There she was, rummaging through her bag by her side for an umbrella. She nod a hi as i stepped out of the lift. Rushing to somewhere, so seem she as she hasten pace to the front door. I ask of where she was going. Yoga, she said. Never would i understand such slow excruciating exercise, holistic so it seem. But braving the harsh rain for such exercise?! She must be devoted then. The thought of offering her a ride kept playing on my mind, tis my thought and tongue did not sync.

Not before long, she flipped her umbrella opened and soon glide into the dark of the night as i looked on. Was i not but late again?!