A month have crawled by without me noticing since i last updated this blog. And it was as though it was just yesterday that i wrote of her. Ahhh...speaking of 'her', She that i thought of unceasingly both day and night, being intoxicated, disillusioned, unadmitting the reality that lies vividly before my eye, is now no more than fragments of that potrait I once envisioned.
Reality sure does have a funny way of showing herself. Till disillusion creeps in again, speak shall i not of her again. :)
Have been carolling for the past 3 days, hectic as it is, the fun was one that i will not forgo. So goes the saying, Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart? How will Christmas happen in your heart if you do not want it? Boring some would say, but these are the perks in life that i so look forward to.
Let this season be one that brings joy of eternal value.
Blessed Christmas & Happy New Year.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Lead me not into temptation...
An interesting read...
"...Continuing in my series of articles on infidelity and the married or dating person, we shall attempt today to understand the issue of temptation and trust in our romantic relationships.
Most, if not all, of us have discussed (or perhaps the more truthful word is argued) about this with our mates: When one of us turns our eyes to look at an attractive person of the preferred sex, our mate will either give us the evil eye, or stop talking to us, or ask us 101 questions such as "Is (s)he THAT attractive that you can't tear your eyes off him/her?", "Am I as pretty/good-looking?" or "Do you prefer that kind of look?", and so on and so forth.
Even those of us with partners who seem not to mind, actually do (speaking of yours truly). I know exactly what kind of look my husband is in to. As such, if attractive women who don't fit that category walk by, I have no qualms about his openly admiring them. However, if they happen to be the 'right' kind of women, I become more - shall I say - inquisitive!
More often than not, issues about admiration and close proximity with members of the preferred sex one is not attached or married to, always end up as an issue of trust (or lack of it). In the end, we seem to believe that if we trust someone enough, we should not be worried at all. As such, even if (s)he happens to be working or socialising in a company of wolves or models (insert whichever applies), (s)he is not in danger of being tempted away - simply because you give him or her the trust.
What about cause for this trust? What about human weakness? What about the passage of time and the uniqueness of the human condition in that we enjoy a little change or challenge, once in a while?
As such, we must then contemplate issues such as, is harmless flirting really harmless? What is wrong with sending a colleague of the opposite sex home in the middle of the night when you are married? What is wrong with getting pissed drunk with a client every weekend because nothing 'bad' ever really happens, even as your wife or husband is alone with the kids at home? In the end, we must trust each other NEVER to falter because without trust, how can our relationships survive?
Wait a minute. I thought only the paranoid survive?
A friend told me that one Sunday, a pastor in her church talked about infidelity and temptation. In a nutshell, the pastor preached about limiting situations where one can be tempted over a long period of time. For example, he advised married executives not to offer colleagues of the opposite sex lifts home despite their good intentions, or to work long hours at close proximity for too long a period. It seemed that even a man of God believed that trust in the divine to help a human being not stray into sin was not sufficient. After all, God helps those who help themselves.
So the next time we ask our mates, "Don't you trust me?", it is prudent to ponder if we give them cause to trust us when we are spend a significant amount of time at work, supposedly entertaining our clients or giving face to our bosses. Is going out three nights a week with your customers to the pub really necessary to make that promotion? Is it reasonable to spend an hour on the phone with your friend because she has no one to talk to but you, everyday?
Is it really possible to want to chat about things you don't even tell your wife, with a total stranger you met online, or is it just a lie - even to yourself? If not, why keep it away from her?
Sometimes, seemingly innocent things can get out of hand when it is done over a long period of time, something my mother used to tell me when I entertained the phone calls of a gentleman friend back in my dating days, even though I had no intention of ever spending any serious time with him. We best understand this when we ourselves are subjected to the act of being led on and around.
"There is no such thing as an innocent drink," said one of the Friends in the sitcom, referring to a date that was supposed to be platonic. Sadly, this is truer in real life than many would care to admit, particularly when we live in a world where financial stability seems to be more important than moral integrity and honesty.
After all, how many of us would quit our jobs just to spend more time with our families?"
-Jennifer Tai-
"...Continuing in my series of articles on infidelity and the married or dating person, we shall attempt today to understand the issue of temptation and trust in our romantic relationships.
Most, if not all, of us have discussed (or perhaps the more truthful word is argued) about this with our mates: When one of us turns our eyes to look at an attractive person of the preferred sex, our mate will either give us the evil eye, or stop talking to us, or ask us 101 questions such as "Is (s)he THAT attractive that you can't tear your eyes off him/her?", "Am I as pretty/good-looking?" or "Do you prefer that kind of look?", and so on and so forth.
Even those of us with partners who seem not to mind, actually do (speaking of yours truly). I know exactly what kind of look my husband is in to. As such, if attractive women who don't fit that category walk by, I have no qualms about his openly admiring them. However, if they happen to be the 'right' kind of women, I become more - shall I say - inquisitive!
More often than not, issues about admiration and close proximity with members of the preferred sex one is not attached or married to, always end up as an issue of trust (or lack of it). In the end, we seem to believe that if we trust someone enough, we should not be worried at all. As such, even if (s)he happens to be working or socialising in a company of wolves or models (insert whichever applies), (s)he is not in danger of being tempted away - simply because you give him or her the trust.
What about cause for this trust? What about human weakness? What about the passage of time and the uniqueness of the human condition in that we enjoy a little change or challenge, once in a while?
As such, we must then contemplate issues such as, is harmless flirting really harmless? What is wrong with sending a colleague of the opposite sex home in the middle of the night when you are married? What is wrong with getting pissed drunk with a client every weekend because nothing 'bad' ever really happens, even as your wife or husband is alone with the kids at home? In the end, we must trust each other NEVER to falter because without trust, how can our relationships survive?
Wait a minute. I thought only the paranoid survive?
A friend told me that one Sunday, a pastor in her church talked about infidelity and temptation. In a nutshell, the pastor preached about limiting situations where one can be tempted over a long period of time. For example, he advised married executives not to offer colleagues of the opposite sex lifts home despite their good intentions, or to work long hours at close proximity for too long a period. It seemed that even a man of God believed that trust in the divine to help a human being not stray into sin was not sufficient. After all, God helps those who help themselves.
So the next time we ask our mates, "Don't you trust me?", it is prudent to ponder if we give them cause to trust us when we are spend a significant amount of time at work, supposedly entertaining our clients or giving face to our bosses. Is going out three nights a week with your customers to the pub really necessary to make that promotion? Is it reasonable to spend an hour on the phone with your friend because she has no one to talk to but you, everyday?
Is it really possible to want to chat about things you don't even tell your wife, with a total stranger you met online, or is it just a lie - even to yourself? If not, why keep it away from her?
Sometimes, seemingly innocent things can get out of hand when it is done over a long period of time, something my mother used to tell me when I entertained the phone calls of a gentleman friend back in my dating days, even though I had no intention of ever spending any serious time with him. We best understand this when we ourselves are subjected to the act of being led on and around.
"There is no such thing as an innocent drink," said one of the Friends in the sitcom, referring to a date that was supposed to be platonic. Sadly, this is truer in real life than many would care to admit, particularly when we live in a world where financial stability seems to be more important than moral integrity and honesty.
After all, how many of us would quit our jobs just to spend more time with our families?"
-Jennifer Tai-
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Not again?!...
AArrgghhhh...not again?!! I could really beat myself for letting it slip the 2nd time. It happenned yesterday, and on the usual hour. Hearing the elevator dings "Going down", I rushed down the aisle that leads to it, not wanting to wait for the next. (yeah...my lift can talk and hell annoying at times!). I knew i may not make it, then a face which was all too familiar to me peered from the side of the elevator. There she was! I could not comprehend my good fortune, what luck i thought?! "Are you coming", said she. I hasten speed, and got onto the lift.
Words were exchange, but my gaze was fixed on her. "Yoga?," I asked. A question that made her chuckled, surprised that i could remember. Ahh...Tuesday & Saturday. My thoughts turned to the weather as soon as we alight from the elevator. Rain please, rain!, were my very thoughts. Offering her a lift, kept playing on my mind. But to my dismay, not a drop! Only a dark gloomy sky. She waved goodbye and was soon on her way, the very opposite direction that i would take home.
Rain then begun to fell, little as it may be, I turned around wanting nothing but to plea my luck once more. Alas, she was no longer there. Another chance, not but wasted.
Words were exchange, but my gaze was fixed on her. "Yoga?," I asked. A question that made her chuckled, surprised that i could remember. Ahh...Tuesday & Saturday. My thoughts turned to the weather as soon as we alight from the elevator. Rain please, rain!, were my very thoughts. Offering her a lift, kept playing on my mind. But to my dismay, not a drop! Only a dark gloomy sky. She waved goodbye and was soon on her way, the very opposite direction that i would take home.
Rain then begun to fell, little as it may be, I turned around wanting nothing but to plea my luck once more. Alas, she was no longer there. Another chance, not but wasted.
Friday, November 12, 2004
A chance slipped...
It was a Tuesday night, a night which i could beat myself for letting a chance slipped by me. It was the usual heavy downpour. I hesitantly made my way down from my place of work dreading the jam that lies installed for me. The door slides open as the lift dings at 'G'. There she was, rummaging through her bag by her side for an umbrella. She nod a hi as i stepped out of the lift. Rushing to somewhere, so seem she as she hasten pace to the front door. I ask of where she was going. Yoga, she said. Never would i understand such slow excruciating exercise, holistic so it seem. But braving the harsh rain for such exercise?! She must be devoted then. The thought of offering her a ride kept playing on my mind, tis my thought and tongue did not sync.
Not before long, she flipped her umbrella opened and soon glide into the dark of the night as i looked on. Was i not but late again?!
Not before long, she flipped her umbrella opened and soon glide into the dark of the night as i looked on. Was i not but late again?!
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Rage...
If i had a wish, it would be to forget yesterday or undo the incident for that matter. Rage! Rage that would make even hell's fire seem lukewarm in my fury. I spoke of words that i barely comprehend, faster than that that i could grasp. These piercing words, that gushed unceasingly, would have cost but a wound which would take a life-time to mend. Close was i to hurting her; she that i love most, her hands that rocked my 'sarung', that held mine through my darkest of days, that shared my joy, even tears that i shed in quiet. All these but for my insensible buying. I lay that night reminiscing, in utter shame of my action. I understood not of what i have done.
She i swore to protect, even lay down my life for; Now i hurt. I am sorry, mom!
She i swore to protect, even lay down my life for; Now i hurt. I am sorry, mom!
Monday, November 08, 2004
A glimmer of hope...
The aftermath of my horrendous mistake last Friday, which hovered over my mind all weekend, took a pleasant turn. She actually came up and spoke to me! Of what actually happenned; being busy with meetings, couldn't return my message, blah blah blah. But all that mattered no more, gibberish so it seem to my pre-occupied mind. My focus was set only on her countenance. She spoke but not of what i comprehend, only her voice treading sweet resonance in my ears. Was this not but falling short of heaven itself in all its awe? So was what i felt.
My mind raced at each of her paused, trying relentlessly to keep this conversation going. But alas, all good things have to come to an end. I struggled to keep her face within my gaze, not even my limitless brain-juice squirted no help. The battle within was lost, the conversation was over. She graced herself back to her place, oblivious to my peering eye. I pray now no more than for another glimmer of heaven.
My hope, thus was renewed.
My mind raced at each of her paused, trying relentlessly to keep this conversation going. But alas, all good things have to come to an end. I struggled to keep her face within my gaze, not even my limitless brain-juice squirted no help. The battle within was lost, the conversation was over. She graced herself back to her place, oblivious to my peering eye. I pray now no more than for another glimmer of heaven.
My hope, thus was renewed.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
A bad start, perhaps?!
What wrong is a man to stand on a common ground and to present a question? Weird so say she. Peculiar?! For heaven's sake, it was only to inquire an account of another from one that i
know! So much so for a name. Bah!
This day of reckoning, so i thought, leaves now no more than a bitter taste. How disillusioned was i?! To be made to believe that heaven has made its face to shine upon me. Woe be that day. Fault was mine nonetheless.
know! So much so for a name. Bah!
This day of reckoning, so i thought, leaves now no more than a bitter taste. How disillusioned was i?! To be made to believe that heaven has made its face to shine upon me. Woe be that day. Fault was mine nonetheless.
Friday, November 05, 2004
The beginning...
"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...
...Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.'
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them..." Genesis 1:1 - 1:27-28.
Eventually, Man in all his wisdom created the Tandas.
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This is my begining, my very first posting. Finding it really difficult even to post picture to my profile.The pictures keeps getting posted as an item instead of getting into the profile...aarrgghhh. finally, i got tat darn picture in!*phew* the hard work i tell you.
Will keep posting soon from the throne, tis my place of inspiration.
...Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.'
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them..." Genesis 1:1 - 1:27-28.
Eventually, Man in all his wisdom created the Tandas.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This is my begining, my very first posting. Finding it really difficult even to post picture to my profile.The pictures keeps getting posted as an item instead of getting into the profile...aarrgghhh. finally, i got tat darn picture in!*phew* the hard work i tell you.
Will keep posting soon from the throne, tis my place of inspiration.
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